Most people are emotionally weak Part 2 (Problem Case)

We explored in Part 1, a general description of the main causes that promote people to be emotional weak, the effects from it, and a resolution for these effects to not show in great degree to the individual. Today, we are going to look on issue point 4 described in part 1 within more detail (Part 1 is in Blog Activity April 2014). Let us see a list of symptoms of issue point 4 and the right ways to resolve them:

Symptom Point 1:  The reaction is more evident in environments where people can express themselves personally: Compared to work and social environments, people will react more boldly to the effects of issue point 4 when their presence is within their house or a defined "comfortable room" (relative house, club house, friend house with the appropriate people). In environments that they feel more restricted, they will still express themselves, but as expected, in a more constrictive way. However, you can assure, that their expectations are over exaggerated due to jumping too much to the wrong conclusions (wrong generalizations). From that, make no mistake, that they will act the most bold of their own self to the same reactions described on Issue Point 4. The reaction of course is not there due to the restricted environment, but the expectations and intentions of the individual are in a form that is unrealistic. That is for that reason you should make the individual boldly express in the restricted environments as well  in order for the individual to be full transparent of his own self and to align his emotions in the right context (to be appropriate). In other words, the individual should express in restricted environments that do not allow him to express, but not so much boldly as within their environments they feel comfortable. All these is done for the result of the individual to balance its feelings out within the whole time frame (instead of being sporadic intense on only one segment of the time frame). Since workplace environments do not promote such act, resolving symptom 1 is not tangible within the present environment.

Symptom Point 2: The individual takes "speaking words" as the ultimate concrete solution to their reactions of Issue Point 4: The individual, in such case, expects an apology or a form of "correction of their own actions" within an oral communication. Even if it is written, they only want the expression of the individual's saying to be all about their side of view and none to the view of the opponent. If you have seen a match of sport, most of the time the scores between teams are very tight. For instance, in basketball, scores can end up as 78-83. Team B won by 5 points. Compared to matches like that, a correction of action or apology is expected by the recipient for the score to be 0-83. Something that is very unrealistic (that is what feelings do without logic!).

They never try to see the "gray" side of the world. They see only black and white. They are the white and the other person is black. When the other person tries to provide a gray area of what was wrong and correct, the individual will take it in the context that they are blamed to be black and the other as only white. It is like they speak a different language. Actually, they really do, cause the only way an individual will see things in black and white is when logic stops processing more information and takes whatever it holds as frozen immovable facts. Notice also how the communication response is expected to be. It is either most of the time done orally or on few occasions written with their side of their view only. This is all so they can get away with their flaws. The flaws can be due to their own bad habits or their feelings cannot be expressed in the correct way. With speaking, it is easy for the individual to say an apology and a correction of their action and then later for the recipient and the sender to forget it (since speaking words vanish through thin air). The reason it is done that way is so the recipient really forgets the argument because he really knows subconsciously there are flaws in his own argument, but consciously wants to be in denial of it. The same if it is done in writing. The writing will be bias and have only one side of the view, not any of the view which includes the flaws of the recipient. For that part, when a person boldly expresses the other individual to the reactions described in issue point 4 with a wait of response in the form of an apology or of a correction of action, write the details of the argument with yours and the individual's flaws and do not commit to an apology as that will reinforce the bad behaviors of the individual. Make the statements as most detailed as possible, including all the flaws of the individual, no matter how much he is in denial of it.

Symptom Point 3: People who are more inclined to take their life personal are more susceptible than people who are balanced or people that are more non-personal: We are all susceptible to this behavior, but the most weak in this type of behavior are the ones who are the most emotional in life. You can see if the individual takes things personally by the way he approaches things. Is the individual more people oriented or task oriented? Questions like this can give you a direction what type a person is. The reason emotional people are more prone to this behavior is because they must be the least happy living in this universe. Compared to other personality types, people that live in the personal world are more demanding or expecting more opportunities to experience personal instead of non-personal events within their life. As mentioned before, the world, especially the working environment, is more focused on non-personal matters. In other words, these emotional individuals feel trapped, and is very hard for them to express their own individuality as most of the space they have to live for are "not reserved" for these aspirations. For people that are not too personal demanding with their life, it is much easier for them to live in this world with no strong symptoms of their feelings being imbalanced due to the short comings of the society being all non-personal. However, for the people who are more personal oriented, they are feeling they are living in a very cruel world. They have to put a mask in the external world which feels uncomfortable. They get their rest and freedom when they are contained in an environment that are more able to express themselves, such as their personal house, and so on. For these people, it is definite the occurrence of these symptoms described on issue point 4 to show often. For these people, it is a must (at least advised) to use their imagination or writing to express themselves, not for the sake for others to read it (although it can be a form of motivation), but just for making a better self reflection of their own individuality. If a person is emotional and shows symptoms of the ones mentioned in issue point 4, the individual should plan their environment to have a dedicated allotment time invested on personal events. This is one of the most challenging acts for the individual, as most society opposes to such plans and the individual itself may have not explored its own individuality yet in order to know what it really wants to do.

Symptom Point 4: People who show symptoms described on "Issue Point 4" do not care their demands of fulfilling their personal self as much as winning, to the point of even doing immoral or unsanitary acts. When you see events of issue point 4, do you see any real intention of these people end to bring harmony without themselves winning in all glory? The winning part is really important for them because the personal self is thirsty for gaining its own attention it did not deserve for the rest of the time that was spent on non-personal matters. This is a very dangerous shortcut and we know the effects. Let us compare it with an individual trying to learn a course as he needs to pass the exam. He finds out on the first day of his lecture course that a former student has all the answers of the exercises and final exams. What would you do? Study real hard or use the answers already from the former student? The latter gives an instant gratification of being worthy of something you did not integrate yourself while the former is a normal gratification (not so strong as the latter as you could have received through this way just a mediocre grade) which actually matches your skills of how good literate you are on that subject. For the person who shows symptoms of issue point 4, he describes perfectly the latter of the example with the school course. And since cheaters will never stop cheating due to how easy and rewarding it is, so is the same for the tactics people have in mind in relevance to issue point 4. Thus, it becomes such a bad habit that it must be destroyed. The only way to destroy such habit is to not let them accept to be winners from their own emotional game.

However, in order to destroy the habits incorporated of issue point 4, you must give them an alternative solution where they can cope up with their personal needs. In other words, for people that expect winning through their emotional game, do not let them win as that will reinforce their instant self gratifying shortcut. Instead, provide alternative solutions, not about the current argument (as that is not what they really care), but how to fulfill  their personal needs in the correct environments through planning. This planning will not be solved overnight. It requires dedication and patience for the individual to create this plan that is expected to have a lifetime long term positive effect. At first, the plan will not be well orchestrated and will not fulfill most of the personal needs of the individual no matter how much effort and dedication was set into the plan. However, over time, it will try to fulfill more of the personal needs of the individual, so much, that the individual will stop on its habit to aim a winning plea from the others through their emotional game. It will take a lot of time until that transition happens though. It should be expected from the recipient that the individual will still retain its own bad habits, even if the alternative solutions are in front of him and work effectively for him. Because besides the benefits of the alternative solution provided to the individual, the individual itself will still be attached with the bad habits (this attachment becomes a personal matter after all). It will take time, determination, and willingness for the individual to make that transitional leap. Always consider the individual's reaction as a long term problem of the individual's personal needs which the individual itself must seek to fulfill. Do not perceive the problem the same way the individual perceives it. In other words, do not take it as a short term , recently/current problem. Promoting, encouraging, and advising the individual to a resolution of their long term problem is the best practice to do.

Conclusion of Problem case: To better understand what we described in this blog post, there will be another blog post with the same title, but with the solution case. The solution case will show a fictional example that demonstrates the problem case and an analysis of the fictional example in detail. Please understand that the solution case should be used only as a guide. It may not work for any situations. Even if the situation matches, it may not meet the anticipated expectations expressed in the solution case due to some unwillingness or desire of the individual to solve its own problem case. If anything you can learn from this problem case, it should be this: Always remember, that giving up to the determination of the individual with the symptoms of Issue Point 4, will allow them to use their shortcut of cheating.  By apologizing them, there will be no opportunity for the individual to integrate their individuality within their personality. They will feel and be more as "empty shells" with no direction. In the long term, it will not help them, but hurt them.